It's Just My Blog

If you haven't yet familiarized yourself with the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, waste no more time[http://www.venganza.org/about/open-letter/]:

"I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures."

"Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim"

A nice thread from Yahoo answers [http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090726015706AAmDubj]

Q. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. What would be a good price?

A: i have 2 goats and a cow. it greatly depends on her age though. if she has reached puberty and is able to bear children, i would be willing to throw in the cow.

also, is she still a virgin?

Deuteronomy 22:28-29 states that if she were to be raped

"This is what you must do when a man rapes a virgin who isn't engaged. When the crime is discovered, the man who had sexual intercourse with her must give the girl's father fifty shekels of silver, and she will become his wife. Since he raped her, he can never divorce her as long as he lives."

since i would own her, would i still have to give the 50 shekels to you if she gets raped while she is out working my fields, or would you be willing to split it with me?

A: Your question is disingenuous. Surely Exodus itself provides either an appropriate price, or failing that, a sound means to determine the price based on prevailing market forces. Otherwise, Exodus and perhaps any larger collection of books of which it may be a part, would of necessity be declared to be incomplete and flawed.

A: Before you begin worrying about the price I think you should make sure that she is fully versed in the bibles teachings regarding slaves and their responsibilities to their masters. 1st Timothy Chapter 1 Verse 1 says "All who are under the yoke of slavery should consider their masters worthy of full respect, so that gods name and our teaching may not be slandered"
Also Colossians 3:22 says "Slaves, Obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the lord. 23 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the lord, not for men"

The bible is a staunch supporter of the practice of slavery and it is important that the children remember that they are to be good little slaves when they are sold. And let us not forget that it is also colossians that reminds us "Wives submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the lord" Gotta make sure that they have no will of their own as the bible teaches us. Isn't this a progressive book.

A: Twenty pieces of silver, but you can't do it anymore. And you couldn't before unless you were bankrupt and had lost your whole estate. And your daughter would be back to you within, at most, three years. And she wasn't to be touched erotically under penalty of stoning.
Source(s): Galatians 5 and Exodus 21

I can't take any credit for this but it's another that deserves immortalising:

"SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk..

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive."

"If we aim deliberately at the impoverishment of Central Europe, vengeance, I dare predict, will not limp. Nothing can then delay for very long that final civil war between the forces of Reaction and the despairing convulsions of Revolution, before which the horrors of the late German war will fade into nothing, and which will destroy, whoever is victor, the civilization and the progress of our generation. Even though the result disappoint us, must we not base our actions on better expectations, and believe that the prosperity and happiness of one country promotes that of others, that the solidarity of man is not a fiction, and that nations can still afford to treat other nations as fellow-creatures?" - The Economic Consequence of the Peace, Ch. 7 'Redemies', sec. 1 (1920).

Thirteen years later, after Germany had been saddled with crushing war reparations payments which Keynes had shown were impossible for it to meet, Adolf Hitler became Chancellor of Germany. And we all know where that ended up.

I read with delight that a female journalist has been sentenced to 60 lashes over a TV show in which a Saudi man openly discussed his many extra-marital affairs (he got 1000 lashes and five years in prison):

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/8324117.stm

Yet again the Saudis lead the way in re-establishing morality in the cesspot of vice that is the modern world. Hurrah; we are saved once again.

But surely this sentence is, if anything, too mild? For merely reporting such filth, the journalist should surely at least have had her eyes put out. And why not actually castrate the philandering beast who she deemed worthy of airtime? If there is one thing I am absolutely sure of, it is that God only intended us to have sex for purposes of procreation. Such a vile and unspeakable form of activity could have no other justification. I am tempted to write to the members of the House of Saud and urge them not to go soft; I can detect the sulphuric stench of Western liberalism at work here, and am deeply concerned lest this creeping corruption reach any further.

I wrote the following as a response to something else...

"I am probably both somewhat rationalistic and somewhat nihilistic. I take the general Nietzschean point about the lack of foundations for a meaningful human life to be entirely true, and to an extent one can embrace and even celebrate this as liberating, fashioning one's own meanings out of the materials one inherits, appropriates, or even invents for oneself. But then along comes the Buddha with old age, sickness, suffering and death, and none of these things strike me as particularly worth celebrating. An appreciation of one’s own mortality is one of the curses of self-consciousness; animals do not live every day knowing that they have to die, or indeed that they could do so at any moment with all their works unfinished. And that is merely at the individual level. When one surveys the extent of the vanity, stupidity, misery, and injustice in the world at large, one can indeed feel quite nihilistic about the human condition.

There was a lot to be said for the medieval conception of humanity as situated between the angels and the beasts – we are creatures of marvelous intellectual, artistic and scientific creativity, and great sympathy, friendship, and love for one another, on the one hand, and greedy, short-sighted, and even willfully destructive and malevolent, on the other. In the face of this paradox it is sometimes easy to despair, and for the insane laughter of absurdity to take over. Reason, insofar as it can recall one firmly to the facts of the matter, and thus pave the way for constructive action, is in this sense a kind of solution – but it is of course reason with a small ‘r’ that I have in mind, and it goes along with the cultivation of a ‘better half’ in oneself that cannot, in the end, rely solely on reason. Even then it offers no ultimate guarantee; there is actually no way I can see of insulating oneself altogether from nihilism, though that may in the end just be a matter of (my) temperament – some individuals may simply possess more natural equanimity (or insensitivity?) than myself (sensitivity by no means being an unqualified good; it can take a morbid form that can be quite literally unhealthy)."

Kind of a trick title, that. There isn't going to be one. At least, not for a while. Here is a marvellous quote from Max Weber, who understood a thing or two about capitalism:

"The Puritans wanted to be men of the calling - we, on the other hand, must be. For when asceticism moved out of the monastic cells and into working life, and began to dominate innerworldly morality, it helped to build that mighty cosmos of the modern economic order (which is bound to the technical and economic conditions of mechanical and machine production). Today this mighty cosmos determines, with overwhelming coercion, the style of life not only of those directly involved in business but of every individual who is born into this mechanism, and may well continue to do so until the day that the last ton of fossil fuel has been consumed".

Weber wrote those words in the original version of The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism, published over a century ago now in 1905. All that has happened since then is the intensification and extension of the mechanism. There is much talk, following the economic crisis of 2008, of the end of capitalism; in fact, I strongly suspect it is simply another of its periodic crises, one of those episodes of creative destruction of which Marx wrote.

What is very striking is that the whole world is now committed to the capitalist enterprise; the global effort by the major economies to co-ordinate fiscal rescue efforts was truly unprecedented. Whereas the crisis of the 1930s with which the present one has (in some ways justly) been compared occurred in an era where there still seemed to be genuine alternatives (communism, socialism, national socialism, fascism), the distinctive feature of the contemporary situation is that nothing else is on offer. The market is now regarded as the only viable form of economic exchange, for good or ill, just as Weber foresaw.

As proof of the trouble that the internet can get you into, look no further than Maxi Sopo, who was on the run for credit fraud.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8306032.stm

He managed to get himself busted because - get this - he was updating his Facebook profile by telling everyone what a great time he was having and in so doing giving plenty of clues about his whereabouts. Don't today's youth watch spy movies any more? Does he not realise that if you are a wanted criminal then the last thing you should be doing is making public announcements on the web? This is on a par with the woman who went swimming with polar bears (see below); at least she was probably suffering from a mental disturbance of some kind whereas this is really just plain dumb. Enjoy prison, Maxi; you belong there.

There's this channel I've been hanging out in for years. This might give you some idea of why...

7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) School 1970s vs. School 2000s
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fight after school.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) 1974 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best mates.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) 2009 - Police are called; Armed Response Unit arrives and arrest Johnny and Mark. Mobiles with video of fight confiscated as evidence. They are charged with assault, ASBOs are taken out and both are suspended even though Johnny started it. Diversionary conferences and parent meetings conducted. Video shown on YouTube.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) 1974 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given 6 of the best. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) 2009 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Counselled to death. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra funding because Jeffrey has a disability. Drops out of school.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him the slipper.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) 1974 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) 2009 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. Psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mum has an affair with the psychologist. Psychologist gets a promotion.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) Scenario: Mohammed fails high school English.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) 1974 - Mohammed retakes his exam, passes and goes to college..
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) 2009 - Mohammed's cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist.. Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against state school system and his English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Mohammed is given his qualification anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers, puts them in a model plane and blows up an anthill.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) 1974 - Ants die.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) 2009 - MI5 and police are called and Johnny is charged with perpetrating acts of terrorism. Teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) Scenario: Mark falls during break and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) 1974 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.
  7:51a    (~gjinn[a]lappy) 2009 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy. Becomes gay.